Sunday, 17 January 2010

Top Ten: Pet Peeves of the 21st Century

Everyone has a pet peeve. People, situations, habits that grate, like nails down a blackboard. Things that get on nerves and put backs up, whatever that means. Wait, what does it mean? Answers on a postcard.

1) The iPhone:
So called smartphone. Do we really need one product to make calls, send emails and take photographs? What if you wanted to make a call whilst taking a picture? Not possible with an iPhone. Massive fail. I also stand by my earlier comment: it looks like it's been made by aliens. Who knows where they've hidden the probes. Beware.

2)
Facebook:
Hailed as the social networking place to be, Facebook has lured 350million people to waste time staring at their computers. Whether updating your status (yeah, I really wanted to know what you ate for breakfast) or uploading photographs (oh look, she's vomiting over that guy in the club-good times) you're not exactly being sociable. It's also a place rife with stalking and spreading lies. Nobody has 1000 friends. Unless you're Heidi Fleiss.

3)
Twitter:
Advertised as 'the best way to share and discover what's happening right now' by microblogging in 160 characters or less. If what you've got to say is that small, it's not worth sharing. Witty or not.

4)
Climate-change bandwagon jumping:
Environmental issues have existed for hundreds, if not millions, of years. Buying bags for life, recycling and less car usage do not change the fact. If you've only just started giving a damn about the environment for your great-great-great grandchildren, well, you're a big fat bandwagon jumper. Not cool, people.

5) X-Factor/Britain's Got Talent/America's Got Talent/Pop Idol/American Idol/Popstars the Rivals:
For years I've endured people who can't sing/dance/sing & dance and, listened to people discussing those who can't sing/dance/sing & dance. I don't care if Jedward make you laugh. They don't have talent, or the xyz factor, they don't pop and they're not idols. I may end up in rehab- the first breakdown caused by Simon Cowell's money-making machine. Susan Boyle got there first? Oh well.

6)
Botox fever:
Popularity of Botox has increased considerably in the last decade. No longer a seedy little beauty secret, women (and men) are sticking needles of fat into minuscule lines that even magnifying glasses can't see. The result? Fish faces. Permanently stunned/scared expressions. Grow old gracefully, fish face.

7)Twilight:
Not the time of day. I like that. I'm talking about those books about the vampire, the werewolf and the pale girl. However poorly written, they killed a few hours. But they're certainly not worth all the screaming hype. Four words for you, Stephenie Meyer: Bram Stoker, Ann Rice. Let them show you how it's done.

8) Text Speak without the texting:
A popular peeve gets a 21st century twist. Shorthand in text messages is acceptable. But skipping vowels and consonants in emails, letters, blogs and essays is lazy, taking poor spelling and grammar to another vexing level. Learn to spell you lzy bstrd.

9) Orwellian Prophecies fulfilled:
No newspeak as of yet. But Big Brother has infiltrated every aspect of our world and not just on TV. In every shop, street and car-park, there is a feeling of being followed; a desire to glance over ones shoulder. Being treated like potential criminal whilst trying to reverse park. Annoying.

10) Celebrity Nicknames in real life:
Brangelina. Bennifer. TomKat. Spork. Cringe fest linguistics. Now non-famous people are doing it. Without the holy matrimony. It was cute. Until I vomited in my mouth.

So reader, anything you'd like to add?

12 comments:

  1. ROFL!!! Most of what you've written are my pet peeves as well!!! Another one I have is people listening to their MP3s/Ipods/music on the loudspeaker while travelling via public transport. The earphones come with these devices for a reason! Not everyone likes to listen to rap/hiphop/dance....

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  2. Yes to all 10, and how about all of the people we know, who suddenly starting saying dude?

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  3. Interesting, even for someone who sleeps with his iPhone, loves Big Brother (but hates the surveillance culture), doesn't go out on a Saturday night if X-Factor is on and used to spend every waking hour on Facebook.
    http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/

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  4. brangelina makes me pewk. since when adultery is so 'celebrated'?

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  5. Hi,

    I've just stumbled across your blog and I wanted to say I like your style - you have great way of looking at things.

    I also hate all of the above and I detest magazines that tell you what size you should be, what clothes to wear, what things you should like and all because celebs are in to them... I have a perfectly good head on my shoulders so I think I can think for myself.

    Any way, please keep posting I love your stuff

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  6. All of the above. Organic food hype. It's not organic and never will be apart from the label. It's been prooved, it doesn't taste better, it does contain chemicals from neighbouring fields being non organic (underground water flow etc, so why are we kidding ourselves.

    Another thing is the fact that due to feminism, there aren't many men who will open the door for a woman or give up a place on a bus. Yes, I like my independence and equal rights, yet, I still like to be treated extra special.

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  7. I'm honestly amused that you choose Jedward as the best examples of Simon Cowell's money-making machine. I loathe Simon Cowell, and the X Factor, and all music that sounds like it might have been influenced by anyone who has ever seen the X Factor, mainly because if I want to watch karaoke I can do it at a pub with no phone voting involved.

    But Jedward are sheer anarchic brilliance. Like twisted, twin teenage boy versions of the late Marilyn Monroe.

    And Libertine, re: feminism -- being a woman doesn't make you extra special. Sorry.

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  8. Great list, I definitely agree with all of them!!

    --Konnor

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  9. I don't quite agree with facebook, neices and cousins didn't talk before, the rest yes! And texting while driving is a BIG beef with me, or READING while driving!

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  10. Ah yes. You have all listed most of my pet peeves. It makes me realise- a lot of things annoy me! I need to sort that out!

    The facebook peeve seems to be quite controversial. I used to be on facebook. I deleted it last month and do not miss it one bit. This gives me the excuse to bash it and dismiss it as a mere annoyance but truth be told, i appreciated its good points when i was on there. Don't tell anyone. And yes, TC, it made me communicate with my canadian cousins who i never see!

    Oh and theotherscrap book: how dare you desecrate the memory of Marilyn Monroe by comparing her to Jedward?! Shocking! There's no comparison! I want to poke my eyes out and burst my own ear drum when Jedward appear. Jeez.

    :)

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  11. It's hard to agree or disagree about any of the items on your list, because I know next to nothing about most of them. I don't own a mobile phone; I've never visited Facebook or Twitter; I've never seen X Factor or any of its clones; I know nothing about Twilight (although I've heard about the hype); I wouldn't recognize any 'famous for being famous' celebrities if they knocked on my front door. I just enjoy life (none of the above are a prerequisite); some of that life is documented on
    http://dennishodgson.blogspot.com/

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  12. Dennis: It's a good thing that you don't know much about the things on my list. I wish I didn't know about them either! I'll check out your blog now. :)

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