Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Tainted

At the weekend a man was murdered. Violence never fails to shock and annoy me. There is always an underlying frustration as to how people can be so incredibly evil (and stupid).

But there was something about this murder. Society is such that I could have snatched this act from the front page of any newspaper in any part of the world. But I didn't. It happened around the corner from where I live.

The man died on the streets that I walked as a child, where I rode my bike in the summer heat. He died opposite the fish and chip shop where I watched my Great Uncle Tom devour a plate of jellied eels and mash, with a strange mix of horror and delight. He died where my memories were made.

And I can't help but feel a loss. Not just for those lives ruined by a knife in one careless hand. But for the loss of good memories. The loss of safety- that innate feeling that allowed one to walk the streets without fear or question. Now, the value of my home and the comfort that evoked has slowly dissolved. Everything around me feels tainted by an evil plague.

I know bad things happen in the world. But as petulant as it sounds, I don't want it in my periphery. If bad things have to exist, and sadly they do- good and evil are as synonymous as yin and yang- I want it to exist in some other world that I don't have to think about. Occasionally I wish I was still a child and awareness was just a word in the dictionary. It would sure make life liveable, sometimes.

I wish I was naive enough to believe that was even possible...

7 comments:

  1. You described your sense of loss (though he was a total stranger?) perfectly. That street has been forever tarnished in your mind. It seems that people like to place flowers and messages at the scene of such crimes. I think its their way of trying to reclaim that blood stained piece of neighborhood.

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  2. Thanks Bruce. I didn't know the man at all but it's just that it happened so close to home. I was only walking past there the other day- i had popped to the shops late in the evening, something i do occasionally and now, i feel i can't do that. My right to walk about normally has been taken. It's not nice.

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  3. It is a terrible sense of loss. I was shocked to know that there was a shoot out acrosse the street last year. I was thinking maybe I should get a gun. I know how you feel with the sense of security being shattered.

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  5. Ah...awareness has its drawbacks. As I become more and more aware, I feel like 'oh, this is what it means to be an adult. You think of all the possible consequences'.

    I recommend spending time with kids as an antidote. Even if it's just an afternoon with them running around.

    The mind can be so tiring sometimes. I think exercise helps, too, anything to stop the wheels from churning!

    Hope you are having a restful weekend!

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  6. I really miss that niavety as a child when you thought if people did bad things they would be caught and the world was fair.

    Kate xx

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  7. Thanks for all the comments and stopping by to read. Much appreciated, even more so when i've stopped blogging for 6 weeks and find people still want to read! :)

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